Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Dreaming and New Art

After some good conversations today, I started reflecting about where I am in life right now. 

A few years ago, I started dreaming about things I wanted to do, passions that I wanted to turn into realities. But everything seemed so impossible. So random and out of reach. I had all these pieces that didn't seem to fit with anything else- I wanted to write music and sing songs of hope. I wanted to create art as expressions of concepts I had. I wanted to write books that encouraged and pointed people to reconcile with Christ. I wanted to counsel women who struggled with depression or had issues with past sexual abuse. All these parts of me were very strong and almost painfully intense.

I've spent the last several years searching, hoping, and dreaming in what felt like a wasteland around me. I planted seeds in faith and trusted God for the miracle of bringing life out of barrenness. I could have grown bitter and disillusioned in the process, gotten angry at God for leading me into the desert. But instead, I grew still and tried to patiently sit at his feet, to wait in his presence and for his timing. It wasn't easy at all.

As I reflected today, I realized how blessed I am. I had a moment of insight today as I saw that my dreams were in full bloom all around me. I'm in a band with my best friends in the whole world. We get to create amazing music, purposeful lyrics and tight harmonies together. We get to lead worship in churches and play rock shows in coffee shops and bars. We get to be who we are no matter where we are. That's cool. And we're getting more and more opportunities to play and speak and sing all the time.

And I get to create art using whatever I want. Photographs, paint, papers, even trash- I love using all the random bits to create something beautiful. I get to express ideas through art, and people can understand what I'm trying to communicate with it. I'm part of a few different art groups. I get to exchange ideas and learn and grow with other artists, and I have some really amazing opportunities coming up.

I've been writing a book about Christ connecting the broken pieces and making something beautiful from the mess. I've gotten to encourage women with what I've learned, prayed with them for endurance in the midst of their difficulties. And I have some incredible opportunities to work with sexually exploited women soon.

The full weight of what God's been doing in my life took my breath away today. I'm finally seeing pieces fall into place. He knew all along, even though I didn't believe any of it could happen. And the crazy thing is that lately, I've been having even more ridiculous-sized dreams. It's like he's expanding my vision for what could be, as he brings it all together in front of my eyes. And all I can say is "thank you." I'm so humbled and grateful to be whole again.

I finished a piece I'd been working on for a while. The idea behind it was about the fragility of idealism. The painting didn't turn out like I wanted it to at all, but maybe it's for the best. I was really disillusioned when I started it, and I don't feel that way anymore. It's simply titled, "Idealism."
I added some more art pendant necklaces to my etsy shop, and lowered the prices a bit.
I also added some art prints of "Delicate" and "Cathedral Tree", so stop by MixedEmotions and buy a little something. 
Thanks for reading!


Rosie said...

What you wrote made me think of that T S Eliot quotation - "...and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started and know the place for the first time". I also think that our journey is like a Kaffe Fassett tapestry - so often we can't make sense of the pattern or out place within it, but just now and then we get a glimpse of it, enough to see that we are exactly where we are meant to be, and all is well.

Shopgirl said...

I love this post, i will come back for more. Mary, Idaho

Cat said...

First time here.
Beautiful heartfelt post.
There is beauty in the brokenness, You are shining thru!

Smiles, C

Lilla said...

you were one of the winners in my give away. Do email me your address. My email addy is on my home page, coded a bit .
aloha Lilla

Cinderella Moments said...

I totally agree with you about the amazing things God can accomplish. The dreams one can dream don't hold a candle to God's dreams for us.

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