Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Tension of Dreaming and Sitting Still

I'm always more reflective at night. After the lights are off and the house is silent, it's finally quiet enough to hear inside. Although lately I've been trying to drown out my thoughts. Mostly because I need to ignore them to persevere. It sounds dramatic, but it's really pretty simple: I can't have what I want.

I'm a dreamer by nature. A planner and a starter. I love complexity and fixing things, or even creating something out of nothing. But routines and maintenance kill my soul. I think a part of it dies every time I have to repeat the formulaic process. So I dream to keep going. Some day I'll get to do... (fill in blank). And then I can survive the boredom. Yes, boredom is my enemy.

And it's really hard to watch others thrive. They get to live out the dreams in my heart while I'm still waiting. Sitting still. The kids have a book about having to learn to sit still in school. Sitting still. Sit still. Still sitting still. Sit still! I feel like that kindergardener who wants to run and play and explore. But right now it's circle time and I need to sit still and listen and learn.

So what am I learning? Well, I've learned that I suck at sitting still. I have no patience. But I AM trying every day. I'm trying very hard to be content where I am. And to keep the dreams alive, instead of crushing them because they are too painful to remember. So I'm gently nourishing the dreams in my heart while still living one day at a time. Holding that tension is emotionally exhausting. And complicated. But I do like complexity. Hmm...

Monday, August 9, 2010

Beautiful Oregon

My in-laws recently moved from Dallas to Portland, so we went for a visit. It's hard to believe places like that really exist, the exquisite beauty of water and mountains and huge trees.
Ted and I decided we need to live next to the ocean.
Gorgeous flowers were everywhere. These were at a local park.
We couldn't believe how big even the fruit was in Oregon.
This is the view from Garry & Rachel's living room window. Sigh.
Rachel & Garry with their "babies," next to a community garden. I wish we had one here!
Their house- just kidding! I saw this in the woods and had to take a picture. I'm not sure where I'm going to use it in my art, but I just love the crumbling structure.
We had a picnic lunch in a little park off the beaten path.
After lunch, we walked on the trail nearby. It was like stepping back in time.
Suddenly a curve in the trail revealed this waterfall!
Ted wanted to get in, but I wouldn't let him. I'm a stick-in-the-mud, I know.
Multnomah Falls is breathtaking.
At the bottom of the falls.
We took a trip down the coast and stopped by these amazing trees. They don't grow this tall in Texas!
Our view when we looked up.
It was pretty chilly there- a welcome relief from 100+ degree days in Texas!
This is the 250-300 year old "Octopus Tree."
Did I mention we want to move to Oregon?...
It seemed like everywhere we looked was picture perfect.
Some of the cliffs we passed along the way.

Needless to say, I can't wait to go back!
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