Pay It Forward

Let's play *Pay It Forward*!

I signed up for the challenge that Kelly Vivanco posted on her blog. Just read below and if you feel up to the task, copy the following into your blog and leave me a comment. The first 5 people will receive something special made just for you!

1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make you.

2. What I create will be just for you, with love.

3. It will be finished and given to you this year (2009).

4. I won't tell you what it's going to be. It will be something tangible, that you can touch. It may be beautiful or strange, but made with lots of love.

5. In return, just post this text on your blog and make 5 things for the first 5 people who respond.

6. Send me your mailing address after I contact you.

Come on, don't be shy. Even if you think you're not the creative type, you might end up surprising yourself- and making 5 other people very happy, too!

The first 5 people to leave a response agreeing to play and posting the challenge on their blogs will receive something special made by me within the year!

Sunburn and Summer Plans

We just came back from a mini-vacation, in celebration of our 11th anniversary. It was wonderful to get that much undivided attention and just relax on the beach. But I made one horrible mistake- not enough sunblock. OOOUUCH! I'm still tomato red and in pain. :(

Before we left, I was able to finish my art and writing entries for the Spark art/writing challenge. I wrote a poem about confusion, based on my partner's artwork, and I painted a piece called "Survivor" based off of my partner's essay. I'll wait to show the finished pieces until the Spark website is updated, but here's a sneak peek of part of it.

I'm going to be pretty busy this summer. In addition to keeping 3 kids busy (so as not to kill each other), I need to finish 4 more art pieces for a show and record an album with our band by August. Last week we lead worship for a conference in Greenville. It was so amazing to lead the people into God's presence and feel His anointing. I really hope we get to do more conferences and retreats like that.

Oh, and I've been practicing the violin, even though it sounds horrible. I keep telling myself that I have to start at the beginning, and then I'll get better. But it's pretty hard on the ears, even if it's beautiful in my mind. :)

Dreaming and New Art

After some good conversations today, I started reflecting about where I am in life right now. 

A few years ago, I started dreaming about things I wanted to do, passions that I wanted to turn into realities. But everything seemed so impossible. So random and out of reach. I had all these pieces that didn't seem to fit with anything else- I wanted to write music and sing songs of hope. I wanted to create art as expressions of concepts I had. I wanted to write books that encouraged and pointed people to reconcile with Christ. I wanted to counsel women who struggled with depression or had issues with past sexual abuse. All these parts of me were very strong and almost painfully intense.

I've spent the last several years searching, hoping, and dreaming in what felt like a wasteland around me. I planted seeds in faith and trusted God for the miracle of bringing life out of barrenness. I could have grown bitter and disillusioned in the process, gotten angry at God for leading me into the desert. But instead, I grew still and tried to patiently sit at his feet, to wait in his presence and for his timing. It wasn't easy at all.

As I reflected today, I realized how blessed I am. I had a moment of insight today as I saw that my dreams were in full bloom all around me. I'm in a band with my best friends in the whole world. We get to create amazing music, purposeful lyrics and tight harmonies together. We get to lead worship in churches and play rock shows in coffee shops and bars. We get to be who we are no matter where we are. That's cool. And we're getting more and more opportunities to play and speak and sing all the time.

And I get to create art using whatever I want. Photographs, paint, papers, even trash- I love using all the random bits to create something beautiful. I get to express ideas through art, and people can understand what I'm trying to communicate with it. I'm part of a few different art groups. I get to exchange ideas and learn and grow with other artists, and I have some really amazing opportunities coming up.

I've been writing a book about Christ connecting the broken pieces and making something beautiful from the mess. I've gotten to encourage women with what I've learned, prayed with them for endurance in the midst of their difficulties. And I have some incredible opportunities to work with sexually exploited women soon.

The full weight of what God's been doing in my life took my breath away today. I'm finally seeing pieces fall into place. He knew all along, even though I didn't believe any of it could happen. And the crazy thing is that lately, I've been having even more ridiculous-sized dreams. It's like he's expanding my vision for what could be, as he brings it all together in front of my eyes. And all I can say is "thank you." I'm so humbled and grateful to be whole again.

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I finished a piece I'd been working on for a while. The idea behind it was about the fragility of idealism. The painting didn't turn out like I wanted it to at all, but maybe it's for the best. I was really disillusioned when I started it, and I don't feel that way anymore. It's simply titled, "Idealism."

I added some more art pendant necklaces to my etsy shop, and lowered the prices a bit.

 

I also added some art prints of "Delicate" and "Cathedral Tree", so stop by MixedEmotions and buy a little something. 

Thanks for reading!

And the Winner Is...

Well, today I'm officially an adult- I'm 30. It's funny, because I still feel like I belong at the kids' table. I thought I'd feel grown up when I got married. Then maybe when I became a mother. Then when I was 25. I guess I'll always feel not-grown-up. But I think I'm going to enjoy this decade more than the last. If the 2o's are about "finding" yourself, then maybe I can finally start to fully embrace life with confidence now.

Thanks to all of you who left comments for my Birthday Giveaway! An encouraging word goes a long way, and I appreciated every one. Congratulations to the random winner- Mary from A Splendid Adventure. For the rest of you lovely ladies, please come back and chat with me some more. I really enjoy reading your blogs and hearing your stories. Everyone has a story to tell.

Thanks again, and have a great week!

Birthday Giveaway!

Since I'm turning 30 this month, I wanted to give something away. Just leave a comment on this post, and on May 26th (my birthday) I will announce the winner. For an extra entry, blog about my giveaway on your site. Be sure to let me know that you have. 

I went through my art stash and included some papers, stickers, tags, foreign stamps, copies of vintage images, some funky images, quotes, a feather, and a copy of my band's cd and sticker. I hope you'll enjoy it!

When I Grow Up

I wonder if all children decide ahead of time who they’ll be when they grow up? I used to lie in bed at night, dreaming of a beautiful, confidant woman that laughed a lot, and was successful at everything she tried. 

I remember sitting in church, with my legs cris-crossed Indian-style on the pew, and thinking that someday I would cross my legs like a real lady. And someday, I would stop wearing my hair in a ponytail. I would actually enjoy fixing my hair, wearing makeup, and high heels. Someday I’d outgrow my shyness, my sensitivity, my shame. 

But a few years ago it hit me- I had been wrong. Here I am, all grown up, with a husband and three kids. And I still feel the same inside as I did at eight years old. I still want to curl my legs under me and hold a pillow everywhere I go and wear jeans and flip flops and a ponytail all the time. I don’t match the picture in my head of a “mom” or “wife” or “professional” anything.

I just want to hang out with people and love them and help them. I want to just be me, with no expectations. As stupid or dorky as I want to be. Or else I want to be that superwoman who is always in control and knows the answer and looks like a model and can take anything the world gives. But I can’t be both. And I hate pretending.

I haven't changed all that much. My weaknesses, habits, and quirks are all the same. And when the revelation came, I was disappointed. Disappointed in myself. I realized that as a child, I wanted to be different from who I actually was. But I can’t change who I am inside. Not the core characteristics. Sure, I can grow. I can feed my insecurities, or keep challenging them. But eight-year-old Michelle is a surprisingly accurate portrait of twenty-eight-year-old Michelle. Learning to be ok with that, even to embrace that, is my constant challenge.

I’ve spent too much of my life trying to be someone else. I keep trying to cover up my uniqueness, trying to clothe myself in others’ skin. But I’m beginning to like my differences. I’m starting to slowly reveal what I’ve hidden all these years. I’m testing the waters to see if the world ends, but of course, it keeps on going. It’s not as shocking as I expected it to be.

UPDATE: In honor of my 30th birthday coming up, I'm going to be giving away a fun mixed box of goodies. Check back for the upcoming post and pictures!

Kid-Friendly Decor

It's been a while, so thought I'd share a crafty decor trick I recently used. 

I have too much junk. Tons of books, endless kid movies, art projects, overflowing toy boxes... I'm constantly trying to downsize it all, but when I can't get rid of it, I've learned to organize it. And when I have no room to even organize it, I try to hide it. Or at least make it look pretty. I want my living room space to be practical- we have three kids, after all. It's their home, too. But I don't want guests to trip over the junk, so I had to find a way to quickly put it out of sight. 

Our entertainment center has all the kid movies and books on the lower shelves so that even my toddler can pick out his favorites. And that often means that the shelves look like a train wreck after he finally decides on a book. So I decided to make some curtains for the lower shelves, attached with velcro so we can reattach the curtain easily. I found a great neutral material, hemmed it and sewed it to the velcro strips. Now, everyone's happy!