Saturday, April 17, 2010


An amazing tree from Holmsted Manor in England
I was feeling nostalgic, so I pulled out an old journal and landed on a page from 3 years ago. But it strangely fit with where I am today.

I started a new book called "Anonymous" by Alicia Britt Chole. It's exactly what I need to be reading right now. And I'm struck with thankfulness that God always provides books and conversations to me that help me process and grow. Because it's so potent and needed, I'm reading it slowly. I read the introduction- just three pages- about 5 times. I know it really needs to sink in.

It's about being hidden, those "unfruitful" times of silence and winter, the gap between our dreams and our reality. So yeah, that's exactly me right now. I'm trying to really drink it in, that God doesn't waste my time. That each day is a gift. I have to stop living in the future. Today's uneventful reality is just as important. I can do things differently and change my perspective today. I don't want to live with regrets.

God, please keep teaching me, pushing and challenging me. Help me be content and stop trying to rush where we're going. Help me find rest in these hidden years, before the "fruitfulness." It's not wasted and I'm not a failure just because I'm not living in my fullest potential. I am just Yours and I want to use this time wisely. I want to get closer to You each moment I'm here, before we start to move again.

I had no idea that the "hiddenness" would last this long- over 3 years so far. I've learned a lot, grown a lot. Not outwardly with success or fruit, but deep roots grounded in faith. I still struggle with restlessness, self-worth, impatience at the pace I'm traveling. But I trust the One leading me. I look outside and see the evidence of spring everywhere, and I can't help but feel hopeful. Maybe it won't be much longer now...

1 comment:

Mary said...

I truly understand this!
And I stand with you in knowing the "waiting" is not wasted. God is working even when we do not see the evidence. Being patient in the waiting can be hard, even painful. But like eating a peach that is fully ripened, we want to be soft, and tender, not hard.

Don't know why that image came to mind!! :) It may be more for me than you????

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