Tuesday, May 26, 2009

And the Winner Is...

Well, today I'm officially an adult- I'm 30. It's funny, because I still feel like I belong at the kids' table. I thought I'd feel grown up when I got married. Then maybe when I became a mother. Then when I was 25. I guess I'll always feel not-grown-up. But I think I'm going to enjoy this decade more than the last. If the 2o's are about "finding" yourself, then maybe I can finally start to fully embrace life with confidence now.

Thanks to all of you who left comments for my Birthday Giveaway! An encouraging word goes a long way, and I appreciated every one. Congratulations to the random winner- Mary from A Splendid Adventure. For the rest of you lovely ladies, please come back and chat with me some more. I really enjoy reading your blogs and hearing your stories. Everyone has a story to tell.

Thanks again, and have a great week!

Monday, May 18, 2009

Birthday Giveaway!

Since I'm turning 30 this month, I wanted to give something away. Just leave a comment on this post, and on May 26th (my birthday) I will announce the winner. For an extra entry, blog about my giveaway on your site. Be sure to let me know that you have. 

I went through my art stash and included some papers, stickers, tags, foreign stamps, copies of vintage images, some funky images, quotes, a feather, and a copy of my band's cd and sticker. I hope you'll enjoy it!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

When I Grow Up

I wonder if all children decide ahead of time who they’ll be when they grow up? I used to lie in bed at night, dreaming of a beautiful, confidant woman that laughed a lot, and was successful at everything she tried. 

I remember sitting in church, with my legs cris-crossed Indian-style on the pew, and thinking that someday I would cross my legs like a real lady. And someday, I would stop wearing my hair in a ponytail. I would actually enjoy fixing my hair, wearing makeup, and high heels. Someday I’d outgrow my shyness, my sensitivity, my shame. 

But a few years ago it hit me- I had been wrong. Here I am, all grown up, with a husband and three kids. And I still feel the same inside as I did at eight years old. I still want to curl my legs under me and hold a pillow everywhere I go and wear jeans and flip flops and a ponytail all the time. I don’t match the picture in my head of a “mom” or “wife” or “professional” anything.

I just want to hang out with people and love them and help them. I want to just be me, with no expectations. As stupid or dorky as I want to be. Or else I want to be that superwoman who is always in control and knows the answer and looks like a model and can take anything the world gives. But I can’t be both. And I hate pretending.

I haven't changed all that much. My weaknesses, habits, and quirks are all the same. And when the revelation came, I was disappointed. Disappointed in myself. I realized that as a child, I wanted to be different from who I actually was. But I can’t change who I am inside. Not the core characteristics. Sure, I can grow. I can feed my insecurities, or keep challenging them. But eight-year-old Michelle is a surprisingly accurate portrait of twenty-eight-year-old Michelle. Learning to be ok with that, even to embrace that, is my constant challenge.

I’ve spent too much of my life trying to be someone else. I keep trying to cover up my uniqueness, trying to clothe myself in others’ skin. But I’m beginning to like my differences. I’m starting to slowly reveal what I’ve hidden all these years. I’m testing the waters to see if the world ends, but of course, it keeps on going. It’s not as shocking as I expected it to be.

UPDATE: In honor of my 30th birthday coming up, I'm going to be giving away a fun mixed box of goodies. Check back for the upcoming post and pictures!

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Kid-Friendly Decor

It's been a while, so thought I'd share a crafty decor trick I recently used. 

I have too much junk. Tons of books, endless kid movies, art projects, overflowing toy boxes... I'm constantly trying to downsize it all, but when I can't get rid of it, I've learned to organize it. And when I have no room to even organize it, I try to hide it. Or at least make it look pretty. I want my living room space to be practical- we have three kids, after all. It's their home, too. But I don't want guests to trip over the junk, so I had to find a way to quickly put it out of sight. 

Our entertainment center has all the kid movies and books on the lower shelves so that even my toddler can pick out his favorites. And that often means that the shelves look like a train wreck after he finally decides on a book. So I decided to make some curtains for the lower shelves, attached with velcro so we can reattach the curtain easily. I found a great neutral material, hemmed it and sewed it to the velcro strips. Now, everyone's happy!
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