My Journey to Hope

Part 2: Cultivating Hope in the Desert Seasons of Life

2011-11-03T18:55:00.000-07:00

**If you want to read Part 1, go here.**

God Leads Us Into the Desert

"So I am going to take her into the desert again; there I will win her back with words of love." (Hosea 2:14)

God wants to get us away from distractions, to be isolated, show us our own self-reliance, and realize our need for Him. He wants us to spend quality time alone with Him, getting to know Him better and love Him more.

The Desert

So what is the "desert"? It's that place that you're stuck in, where you can't find a way out, none of your efforts help, and it goes on and on seemingly forever. Maybe you can't find a job and you've exhausted all of your resources. Or it's finances; you just can't seem to keep your head above water no matter how hard you try. Or maybe it's a relationship with your husband or your child or your good friend. There's a distance there, or even outright disconnection, and it seems impossible to fix. Maybe it's a health problem that won't go away. Or the loss of a dream you held dear in your heart. Or it could even just be a period of numbness, like life is passing you by but you can't seem to engage in it.

Whatever your "desert" is, the common theme is feeling stuck and thinking that things will never change. It is filled with trials, testing, and even suffering.

Why God takes us

Why does God take us into the desert? Sometimes it's because of our sin that He has us stay put until we surrender completely to Him. The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years because of their disobedience to God. Over and over God had to allow suffering before they would finally turn to God. Hosea 5:15 says, "I will abandon my people until they have suffered enough for their sins and come looking for me. Perhaps in their suffering they will try to find me."

God will often allow the desert time because He wants to test and increase our faith. Many heroes of the faith have walked this lonely road- Abraham waiting for an heir and then being told to sacrifice his promised son, Job losing everything he had, Paul's many beatings, jailings and shipwrecks as he shared the Gospel- to name a few.

Many times God uses the desert time to teach us, strengthen our character, rid us of selfish ambition, learn humility and dependence on Him. He uses the desert to shape us into His image. Joseph was sold into slavery by his own brothers, and then falsely accused and spent years in prison. But he learned patience, humility, and trust in God during those difficult years. When he had the chance to get even with his brothers, instead he responded with love, saying, "Do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you... So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God." (Gen. 45:5,8)

We will all experience suffering

It's definitely not a popular message, but it's true. God allows suffering to come upon His people. There are some believers that talk about pain as if it is only caused by sin. They say that if you're sick, you don't have enough faith because God always wants you to be well. If you're having a hard time, you just need to believe you already have the answer and then it will come.

But the Bible does not guarantee an easy life for anyone, let alone Christians. In fact in 1 Peter 4:12 it says, "Do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you." Even Jesus, "son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered." (Heb. 5:8) We will all experience the desert seasons.

My times are in Your hands (Ps. 31:15)

Recently I read again about Corrie ten Boom (in Life Lessons from the Hiding Place). This courageous Dutchwoman helped hide Jews in her home from the Nazis during WWII. After her family was caught, Corrie spent nearly a year in prison and in a death camp in Germany. Her father, sister, and nephew all died in prison, and afterwards she discovered her release was a clerical error- a week later all the women her age were sent to the gas chambers.

But despite the horrors she endured, she left with a determination that "there is no pit so deep, the love of God is not deeper still." In response to someone saying that it must have been her faith that helped her survive, she said no, "My faith was so weak, so unstable... no, it was Jesus! He who said, 'I am with you to the end of the world.' It was His eternal arms that carried me through. He was my certainty. If I tell you that it was my faith, you might say if you have to go through suffering, 'I don't have Corrie ten Boom's faith.' But if I tell you it was Jesus, then you can trust that He who helped me through will do the same for you."

Corrie's family strongly believed in the sovereignty of God. That "He who is all-loving and always good determines the paths His children take, allowing pain and suffering to come to them for an eventually good purpose... All our times are in God's hands, even the difficult ones."

God chooses to use the desert time- discipline, testing, and suffering- in order to make us more like Him. In Psalm 37:23 it says, "The steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord." And "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." (Prov. 16:9)

But just as God is sovereign, He is also loving. God is not some distant being that leaves us alone in the world, nor is He an evil dictator that sets out to punish us for every mistake. He loves us, and because of that love, He wants the best for us. However, the best isn't always what's easiest. "Have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children?... It's the child he loves that he disciplines; the child he embraces, he also corrects." (Heb. 12:5-6 MSG) Those of you with kids know that you can't give in to every desire your children have. Sometimes discipline and pain benefit them far more than fun and easiness. This is called "tough love."

*****

Part 3: God Has a Purpose for the Desert coming soon!

Silencing Depression: Cultivating Hope in the Desert Seasons of Life, Part 1

2011-09-23T18:44:00.000-07:00

Last week I went to a women's conference in New Mexico. Our band, Finding Cadence, lead worship and I spoke at one of the workshops. My class was titled Silencing Depression: Cultivating Hope in the Desert Seasons of Life.

The whole weekend was amazing. The main speaker, Renay West, was anointed and used her testimony as a survivor of childhood abuse to speak about healing and freedom from bondage. The women were incredible worshipers, and they really responded to the services and classes.

I went feeling very dry, but knowing that God had appointed this event, so I expected Him to do something. And I left feeling more hopeful and expectant than I have been in a very long time. Even more, I feel like God began to heal places in my heart that have been open wounds until now. I have been living out what I shared in the class, trying to find hope in the desert. So as I taught, I was reminding myself as much as the women I was speaking to.

Ted recorded my class, but for some reason the tape didn't turn out so you can't hear anything. I'm really bummed, because I was going to post a link for some other ladies that need the message of hope. So in lieu of a video, I wanted to at least write about what God shared with me. Since there's a lot, I'll just post some of it today, and I'll continue with more in the next few days. I hope it encourages those of you desert wanderers.

*****

The Bible says that we will overcome by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of our testimony (Rev. 12:11). So I'd like to share some of mine.

I grew up in a pastor's home. Even though we loved the Lord and served Him, many in our family struggled with depression, including me. I was shy and sensitive. I married my childhood sweetheart at 19, and a year later I had fulfilled my life long dream- to be married to Ted and have kids. That's when I realized I needed bigger dreams. :)

After I had my daughter Emily, I had really bad post-partum depression. I was hearing things, having panic attacks, and wanted to hurt myself. At that time, I didn't support the idea of counseling or medication. I grew up believing that if you had a problem, you "prayed through" until you got an answer. I would pray and pray, but nothing changed. I felt like I was in a deep black hole and no one could help me.

And then one day, God miraculously healed me. I was at the funeral of a pastor who had died very young, and for whatever reason, God chose to touch me that day. It was like a huge cloud lifted and I could see and think clearly again. I started writing songs and poems out of the blue, and I felt peace and joy for the first time in my life.

I didn't have any more symptoms of depression until almost three years later. I was eight months pregnant with my second child, Daniel, and I could feel it coming on like a storm. I recognized the heaviness as it took over, and after my son was born I again had severe post-partum depression, even wanting to die. After five months I finally began an intensive outpatient program, with counseling and medication. Slowly, I started to mend.

I share that because I know so many are living with shame about having to take medication. I know God can heal people in an instant, but so often He chooses to use time and process. I don't know why He chose to heal me the first time miraculously and then later with meds, but I do know He has used it for His glory. I have much more compassion and understanding because I've had to take medication, and it seems like whenever I talk about it openly, other women can freely admit to the same.

After a year of counseling and medication, I started to feel sane again. After that, I had periods of time where I'd struggle with depression, but not to the depths as before. Four years after I began counseling and meds, I had my third child, Timothy. This time around I didn't have any depression, praise the Lord! Things in life were going really well, too. We were raising support to be home missionaries, loving ministry and people. We started a band and I began doing art. We were very fulfilled.

Then things started to slowly fall apart. We couldn't raise enough money to meet our budget, so Ted had to get a second job. The pastor at our church, who we were very close to at one point, left for moral failure. We had to take the money we had raised as a band for our first album and divide it between us, just so we could pay our rent. Our band dissolved, and I stopped writing songs and doing art. Ted continued to try for different jobs that would pay the bills, but it seemed like every door was slammed in his face.

God had spoken such beautiful dreams about what He wanted us to do in ministry and in life. We left our church feeling certain that He would show us where to go and what to do. Instead, we found ourselves wandering in the desert for the past two years. God provided manna for us. I can't even recount how many times someone gave us money or a reimbursement check would show up for something. He has been faithful to provide. But it has been a difficult process of not knowing where we're going, when we'll get there, or how things will be when we finally do.

Out of this time, God began to speak to me some truths about the desert. So when I was asked to speak about depression and hope to the women in New Mexico, I knew what He wanted me to share:

1. God leads us into the desert

2. God has a purpose for the desert

3. God orders a season for the desert

4. God provides streams in the desert

I'll save the rest for later. :)

For My Own Good

2011-08-25T19:41:00.000-07:00

photo credit

I read a devotional the other day that kicked me in the pants- in a good way. The verse was from Romans 8:28, "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." And it was about how Paul, although doing the work of God, had faced such immense suffering. Shouldn't God's favor have protected Paul from so much trouble?

In my head, I know the answers for Paul's case. His suffering produced character traits in him that wouldn't have been learned otherwise. His response to the trials brought tremendous glory to God, and won people to the Lord. And he was able to lead with compassion because he understood pain. There are so many reasons why God allows suffering. It's easy to see it in Biblical examples.

But in my own life, I've been acting like I believe something else. Like because I want to serve the Lord, everything should be going great. I shouldn't have to wait for His promises. It's not fair. I've been good, tried hard to be perfect, even. I've should have earned His attention by now... And then I recognize my bad attitude and switch to the opposite. I guess because I'm stuck in this rut it means I'm not worthy of God's love or attention. I must be unloveable. I can't do anything for God...

Sometimes I need an in-your-face reminder that I've got it all backwards. In Romans 9:16-17, Paul reminds us that God's promise "does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. For the Scripture says... 'I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.' "

I can't be good enough or try hard enough to earn God's blessing. He chooses to love and promise good things to me because He simply chose to. So when I feel like I deserve more, I remember that I can't earn it. And when I feel unworthy, I remember that it's ok because He gets more glory. God uses the weak to display His power.

In the meantime, I remind myself that God loves me. And if He loves me, then He will work all things together for my good. So I must continue to trust and wait until He sends an answer. So really, once again it's about faith that God will do what He's promised. And once again I must ask Him to change me, not my circumstances. And once again I must ask for His grace to cover me while I'm waiting.

From a Friend

2011-07-12T10:48:00.001-07:00

Photo Credit

A friend of mine emailed me the other day. It was so beautifully written and so encouraging I thought I'd share it...

just wanted to say hi...thinking of you guys today. wish there was a way to "fix" everything for all of us. like a magic potion or something:)

i know your passions are inspired; your dreams are anointed...and yet your hopes are deferred...for now.
may the God of peace soon crush Satan under your feet and may you find the reality of the Glory of God alive and well in your every circumstance.

i appreciate your friendship and your honesty. i admire your strength and determination. thanks for being you.

sometimes God's glory is not easily visible, audible, nor wears the garments we expect; it is often hidden, under heavy rocks, or on the highest hills or disguised as something strange, old, and humble. may God give you new eyes to see the old things and new strength to discover the hidden beauties of His grace and power.

lots of love to you and Ted...

Awakening

2011-07-03T19:39:00.000-07:00

photo credit

During worship at church this past Sunday, I had a realization. I have been sleepwalking through life for a while. And not just because I have a newborn at home. Of course, there's that. But long before I was even pregnant, I started to fall asleep. Disappointments lead to shutting down tiny pieces of my heart, until I had finally pressed a button to turn it off altogether. Suddenly things I was passionate about didn't seem to matter much. The color and beauty of life faded to a gray cloud that seemed to follow me around. And just like when it rains outside, I got sleepy.

So often music jars me back to life. It almost slapped me in the face that day, and I needed it. As I reflected on the concept of awakening, I began to notice other issues. When my passion faded, so did my identity and self-worth. I was surprised at how they went hand in hand. Confining myself to monotony forced the best parts of me to lie dormant. I kept waiting for circumstances to change, telling myself that once things were different, I'd come back to life. I'd start to create again, be more intentional in reaching out to others, challenge myself to grow and dream. All the ways I feel alive and hopeful.

But when you build walls around your heart, you're not protecting yourself. You're trapping yourself. By the time I saw the truth of it, I was almost paralyzed by fear and self-doubt. Even simple decisions were overwhelming. And I wore shame like a blanket, suffocating my mind and covering the truth. God's truth about Himself, and how He saw me.

I woke up to all of this and cried out for help. I know what God's Word says, but I realized I didn't believe it applied to me. Then I was more ashamed, more self-loathing. But somewhere in that cycle, I decided to try a different tactic. What if I simply chose to believe God, even for just a week? Despite my feelings and recent experiences, just chose in child-like faith to accept His Word as truth for myself. The truth that He not only saved me from something, but for something. That He created me with a purpose in mind. That no time is ever wasted, no situation is ever unredeemable. That He will work all things together for my good. That He is leading and guiding me and will never forsake me. That I don't have to be perfect. And especially that I am His precious daughter, and nothing could ever separate me from His love.

This week I chose to put aside my negative emotions, erosive doubts, and debilitating fears. To once again embrace the God He says He is. And as soon as I allowed myself to just believe it, I felt hope rise up inside my heart. I felt freer, lighter, more awake. I remembered what I always told others- that faith is a choice. It doesn't always make sense. But when you embrace it, that tiny seed of hope grows into assurance and trust and even peace that goes beyond understanding. I'm not fully back to where I was, alive and able to dream with abandon. But I know I've taken a step back in the right direction. My heart has been awakened again.

Lift Your Eyes Up

2011-06-23T18:30:00.001-07:00

I was listening to this in the car and finally was able to hear past the amazing music to the words. I hope it encourages you today.

Feels like your world's crashing down

And solid ground is hard to be felt
It feels like the walls are closing

And then night has fallen

And the sun is gone, your heart is dry

You need sometime to find God

Come on, come on, lift your eyes up
Lift your eyes up to the hills

Even in the testing fire

God supplies every need in your life

And He'll come like the morning star

And wipe away your hurts, fears

The dark will fall and the light will shine
It's all alright with God here

Here the sun will shine, it's a holiday

It's a brighter day for you

Rebuilding the Nest

2011-06-21T11:39:00.000-07:00

photo credit

Last week I found a dead bird on our patio. I looked around to see what may have caused it- no animal bite marks, no broken nest or any shattered eggs. It looked like it had just fallen out of the sky, poor thing. I know it happens in life, that birds die. But it upset me to see it like that, in my yard. I tried not to read into it. But it felt like a bad sign.

Yesterday, my four-year-old took me outside to show me the nest that had fallen. Over the weekend, it had been unusually windy. So it made sense that this perfectly created nest had been blown out of its home tree. Although I knew it wouldn't be used again by any birds once it had fallen, I still picked up the nest and placed it in a cozy spot in our biggest tree. Again, I tried not to read into it. A dead bird. An empty nest. I joked with Ted that maybe God was telling us to move.

Today I went to look at the nest. It's completely destroyed. Last night it stormed. I could hear the rain pounding against the house and the wind shaking my wind chimes ferociously outside. But I still thought the nest would hold together in my tree. It had looked so sturdy, even after falling.

So I can't help but read into it today. You see, lately everything has been falling apart. From big things like our car dying the week after having our 4th child and being down to one income, to small things like our computer and tv suddenly biting the dust. I'm home with the kids, trying to survive life with a newborn and still make time for the others, all while my foggy brain tries to make do on a few hours sleep and roller coaster hormones. It's not pretty, folks. And Ted has spent the last 6 months trying to find a job that will actually pay all the bills, which seems like a monumental thing to hope for these days.

And for the last year, God has been calling us to go in a new direction. But after losing count of the numerous prospective doors shut in our faces, we're left with our heads spinning and wondering if we heard correctly to begin with. So we overanalyze every sermon and Scripture, hoping to gain clarity and direction. We listen to our friends and family recount how God worked it out in their lives. We scour our hearts to see if we have some hidden sin, or have missed a turn somewhere. We question if this is a timing thing, or a big test that we're failing, or if God even likes us anymore.

So back to the bird's nest. It was made with careful forethought. Tightly woven together, with hopeful plans of family and a purposeful future. Made by a creature God Himself said He watches over. But the winds came and knocked it down. Even then, it was sturdy and survived until a heavy storm smashed it to pieces at last. I feel pulverized, too.

But today the sun is shining again. The wind is still, and the ground isn't thirsty and cracked like it usually is in the Texas summer. I can look out the window and see dozens of birds flying from tree to tree in our yard. They seem carefree, completely oblivious to last night's storm. Maybe the bird who lost its nest is already beginning to rebuild another.

There's so much hope in the thought of it. Like the verse God keeps whispering to my heart,

"The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand." (Ps. 37:23-4)

And then this,

"The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength. You will be like a well-watered garden, an ever-flowing spring." (Is. 58:11)

And another,

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea." (Ps. 46:1-2)

When I take it all together, I'm reassured that He sees. Even when the storms come, even when I'm beaten down and cry out and still have no answers- He is with me. I cannot crush the hope inside me. The ridiculous belief that my God will rescue us. That what He spoke will happen for us. That our present difficulties do not predict our future demise. I'm reminded of what the apostle Paul said:

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed... For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Cor. 4:8-9, 17-18)

Thank you, God, for once again reminding me to focus my wandering eyes on you. Thank you for speaking to my heart and renewing my mind with your truth. Help me to rebuild my nest, one piece at a time again today.

Spark Art & Writing- New Poem

2011-02-27T16:52:00.000-08:00

We just finished another round of SPARK, the art/writing challenge. This was my partner, artist Dana Gray's inspiration piece to me:

And this was my response piece:

Together

Love is a swirling mass of colors,
Bliss sweeping us into the clouds
The world disappears as I look in your eyes
We forge ahead, day by day
Partnering together in life's routine
Excitement fades, replaced by something deeper
A less flattering, more solid love
The storms come, nearly knocking us over
But we cling together, side by side
We watch as others separate,
The vivid colors of love fade to gray
Now dissolved halves wandering alone
But we cling harder to each other,
Grateful to be lost together in the storm
As the winds die down, I realize we are scarred
But our wounds have bound us as one,
Healing fuses our bones together
The colors swirl around us again
Renewed love sweeps us away once more

This was my inspiration piece to my partner:

Survival Mode

Where the heck am I going?

Driving blindfolded,

It's hard to stay on the road

Walking zombie, arms outstretched

Snatching anything I feel

Willing this to be IT-

The place where confusion lifts,

Epiphanies rest

Frustration! Agh!

When, oh, when

Will this fog disperse?

Stand on that mountain-rock

Breathing clean air,

Vision restored

I'm tired of drudging in circles,

Survival mode-

Let it end; no more!

My foot is firm, my brow is set,

Refusing to take that sedative

This patient will obstinately

Insist on a change

And this was her response piece:

Gifts & Encouragement

2011-02-24T11:33:00.001-08:00

It's so much fun to check the mail and realize there's something in there besides bills and junk mail. Gifts! Thanks to the generous artists in the One World One Heart giveaway, I actually won a few prizes, and they're starting to arrive.

From Kim Mailhot:

From Elsina Schepers:

From Diana Meade:

From Rhea Sunshine:

And I mailed off my gift, a Hope Jar made especially for Barbara Cagle:

I've been reminded recently how fulfilling it is to encourage others. A little goes a long way, especially when your tank is empty, so to speak. I've been praying for God to open my eyes to the opportunities He's placed around me, and then courage to act on it. Giving friendly smiles, encouraging words, and praying with people has made my life so much more enjoyable. It shouldn't be that surprising that loving people makes my heart overflow, but sometimes I let life distract me. It's so easy to become self-focused and forget that others are hurting.

So to all of you struggling in life right now- let someone know. Let them love you and help you through it. Go outside and enjoy the coming spring, the rebirth happening all around us. Create something to express what words can't for you. And especially, fix your eyes on Jesus. Stay in His presence and cling to His Word. The truth will transform your mind, alter your perspective, and help you rest in His goodness. No matter what's going on, God loves you, hasn't forgotten you, and is with you even now. I pray His peace will rest on you today.

:) Michelle

OWOH Giveaway Winner!

2011-02-17T11:24:00.000-08:00

The One World One Heart winner is : #135 Barbara Cagle

If I don't hear back from the winner by 3 pm tomorrow, then I will choose another winner.

Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and especially for all of your wonderful comments! They really do make my day, like a Hershey's kiss from each of you. Man, I have been craving chocolate like a crazy person lately. :)

Also, I wanted to let you know that you can purchase a Hope Jar from my Etsy shop, MixedEmotions. Look around there- I've got jewelry, mixed media art prints, personalized decor boxes, and more. I love taking special orders and requests, so check out my sold orders to get ideas, or look through my blog for pictures. Thanks again for visiting me!

Storm

2011-02-10T20:59:00.000-08:00

Lifehouse always says it so well...

photo credit here
"Storm"
How long have I been in this storm

So overwhelmed by the ocean's shapeless form

Water's getting harder to tread

With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you

Everything would be all right
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be all right
I know everything is all right

I know you didn't bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I'm so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything would be all right
If i'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I know everything will be all right
I know everything is all right

Listen to the song by Lifehouse:

My Giveaway- One World One Heart!

2011-02-01T09:55:00.000-08:00

It's time again for the annual One World One Heart Giveaway! All it takes to win is to be a blogger. Just leave a comment on each participant's blog, and you'll be entered to win their giveaway. This is a worldwide event, with thousands of people participating! You can go to this website to see the list of participating blogs. This is the last year they'll be doing it, so go sign up!

I participated 2 years ago, and it was so fun! I gave an art pendant away as a prize, and I won gifts from 2 different blogs. Plus, it's so great to look at everyones' blogs and see what people are doing around the world.

For those of you just stopping by, I'm Michelle. Wife to my childhood sweetheart, mom to 3 (my 4th due in June). I love doing art- mixed media, jewelry, crafts, etc.- especially using reclaimed materials. I'm also a musician and I'm passionate about helping wounded people. Which is why...

This year I'm giving away one of my Hope Jars. These are recycled glass jars, decorated with special papers and paints. Each jar is filled with 365 encouraging quotes, Scriptures, and lyrics.

If you're the winner, just tell me your favorite colors and what you'd like inside, and I will make your jar especially for you. Leave a comment to enter the giveaway, and on February 17th, I'll draw a winner. So be sure to check back Feb. 17th to see if you've won!

Holiday Reflections

2011-01-12T12:36:00.000-08:00

I really enjoyed the holiday season this year.

Normally I hate the rush and chaos of Christmas, but this time I relished every bit of it.

This year, I was given a few boxes of vintage ornaments, so I decorated every nook and cranny with festive knick knacks.

There's something about vintage ornaments- they make me feel safe and happy.

Everything changes in life, but looking at older holiday treasures reminds me that some things don't change.

The traditions of holiday decorating, gifts, family and friends laughing together- we celebrate these every year, no matter what's going on in our lives.

We always take time to drive around and look at Christmas lights, sing lots of carols, and take a yearly picture with Santa.

I love looking at the kids over the years with Santa. Each of them at around age 2 are crying in the picture, reaching for us to hold them.

Apparently, Santa is pretty scary to toddlers. :)

This year we played it safe and had my dad dress up as Santa. Much better.

It was almost sad to take down the tree and lights. On the plus side, our house always looks much bigger and less cluttered afterwards.

2011 One World One Heart Giveaway!

2010-12-14T08:27:00.000-08:00

If you've never participated in the annual One World One Heart Giveaway, then you need to! You can sign up to participate if you're a blogger- give something away as a prize for people stopping by your blog, or just sign up for a chance to win on others' blogs.

This is a worldwide event, with thousands of people participating! You can go to this website to read the rules and learn more. This is the last year they'll be doing it, so go sign up!

So stop back by my blog on Jan. 30th to see what I'll be giving away!

Tree Mishaps

2010-12-07T20:59:00.000-08:00

It was a great idea. We pulled off the dirt path that lead to my mom's land in east Texas. I was so excited as I looked at all the trees, imagining them in my yard. And one special tree in our house, decorated with our hand-picked ornaments. Each one representing a different memory.

Kind of a wild tree, but it had a good shape at this point.

We chose four trees- 2 Sweet Gum, 2 Pine Trees. Dug them up, put them in buckets to transport home. And then we went searching the woods for the perfect Christmas tree. After a bit, I saw it-*the* tree. I could hear the Hallelujah Chorus singing, just like the Griswalds in "Christmas Vacation." I couldn't wait to put up our own special tree!

This is right before he dropped the ornament and it shattered into oblivion.

So we trimmed the branches; it was a bit wild looking. We hung ornaments. We broke ornaments. The branches sagged a little under the weight of the lights. We watched "Elf" while we decorated, and Ted made fudge. The perfect evening with our perfect tree.

Timmy was so excited to add the star on top.

Before bed, I noticed something wrong. The tree had fallen over. More broken ornaments and sagging branches. No problem, we fixed it up. Propped some magazines under the base just in case it happened again.

The next day, it fell over yet again. More broken ornaments. Now we had a gaping hole in the front where branches had drooped. All the lights sagged to the bottom of the tree. It was only December 3. I didn't think our tree was going to survive the holidays. My 3 year old even told me, "Papaw has a better tree than ours. His star isn't falling, and he doesn't have a whole in his tree." Sigh.

This picture doesn't really capture the crazy mess it had become!

We told some friends about our misadventures in tree hunting, and they laughed with us. A few years back, they had cut down a tree in the woods and happily decorated it in their house. But the next day they saw big black splotches covering the walls and furniture- spiders!! Man, I was glad that at least we didn't bring home any "friends."

Our lovely new, sturdy tree!

A few days later our friends called. They had won a free tree and were bringing it over! So we took down our sad treasure and put the new tree in its place. I decorated it without the kids "helping." No more broken ornaments or sagging limbs. Tree mishap fixed.

Hold Onto Hope

2010-11-14T18:22:00.000-08:00

This is my newest artwork, called "Hold Onto Hope." It definitely represents where I am in life right now.

I feel trapped, caged. But I know I'm here for a reason and that I can't give up. A few months ago I actually had a dream about it. The bird represents hope, and in the dream God told me to nourish it, to keep feeding the bird so it would stay alive.

So no matter what life is like or what kind of chaos surrounds me, I'm holding onto my hope that God has a plan and things will change for the better.

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His Word I put my hope." (Ps. 130:5)

Sex Trafficking in America

2010-10-10T15:25:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I attended a women's conference. One of the classes was about starting a new ministry, which I assumed would be about church planting or leading a women's ministry. But the woman who spoke, Jeanie Turner, had started a ministry in Florida called One Way Out. She goes into brothels, strip clubs, and jails to give gifts to the women and just to love on them. She herself was the woman at the well who met Jesus, having been married 5 or so times. God saved her and changed her radically, and she went to tell the most desperate about her Jesus. I cried throughout her story, profoundly grateful that God can save and redeem like this.

The next class was about using the arts to minister to girls just out of sex-trafficking. The speaker, Rebecca Grant, had grown up as a missionary's daughter in India. When she was 16, the family was driven to the red light district and she saw girls younger than herself out on the streets, selling their bodies to men. She saw with painful clarity the hopelessness in their eyes. Then Rebecca's family was taken to a house where rescued girls and women were living, just a few months out of that lifestyle. They were so joyful and kept repeating, "Isn't our God good? Look where I am now! I have a future." The contrast between the girls in the home and the girls on the street was striking. When she was older, Rebecca started Rescue Arts, visiting the many homes of rescued girls, using drama, art, dance, writing, and music as creative therapy. Again, I cried throughout her class as she described these girls and how she used the healing arts to minister to them.

The next night, I was browsing through the section of old books at Half Price Books. I started talking to a woman who worked there about how much I loved old books, a kindred spirit. She went to the back to get some that had never been shelved for me to look at. We ooed and awwed at some antiques until she showed me one that was pretty beat up. It had a lovely illustration of a girl behind bars, which caught my attention because I frequently have that image in my head symbolically. Then I read the title- "Fighting the Traffic in Young Girls Or War on the White Slave Trade." I nearly jumped with excitement! I explained to her that I was part of a group called Alert Ministries, who help sexually exploited women in the Dallas area, some of whom have been trafficked here. So I bought the book for $5 and tucked my treasure in my arms.

I'm only halfway through reading it, but it has been an amazing read already. The book was written in 1910(!), a collection of published articles on sex trafficking in America. I still can't believe I found it. The writers were lawyers, pastors, and social service workers who discovered this crime operating under their noses. They write, "For the protection of the innocent, for the safeguarding of the weak, for the warning of the tempted and the alarm of the wicked, the truth must be told- the truth that makes us free."

The book gives a history of cultures that practiced forced prostitution, from Biblical times to the 1900's. It describes the process of how the girls were deceived and/or kidnapped and taken to be prisoners in the brothels. It lists tips for parents on safeguarding their girls, accounts of stories from women that have escaped, and laws that have come about because of the peoples' efforts to stop this crime. What surprises me most is how similar the circumstances were 100 years ago to today. People were shocked and refused to believe it could happen in their cities. But once people refused to ignore what was going on, they rallied to put an end to it.

The authors give advice for those who want to help: "Form organizations everywhere to fight this traffic. Through these organizations educate the... communities to be careful... demand proper legislation, write the senators and representatives about it... and help build homes for training the girls for better lives." It made me very happy to realize that there are many organizations currently doing this very work- raising awareness, educating the public, fighting for laws to protect the innocent and punish the abusers, and creating places where the women can be healed and trained for future careers. Love146 has all of these aspects, along with other organizations.

The book has so many shocking statistics, wonderful quotes, illustrations and photographs that will inspire and challenge. Even though it was written in 1910, it's still applicable to what's happening today in America and around the world. You can read the archived book online here. There's also an incredible documentary out now called Playground that discusses this problem, focusing on how many young American girls wind up in prostitution. There are so many great organizations out there helping put an end to this tragedy. I hope you'll check out some of the websites and the book to learn more about the problem and how to be part of the solution!

The Good Leaders- What NOT To Do

2010-09-16T09:01:00.000-07:00

Today's blog is from Carissa Byers. I liked it so much, I thought it was worth passing along. Tell me what you think...

The Good Leaders

I found this in a blog post at "Easily Amused."

This list makes me sad. Our society often fails dramatically when trying to empower women. First and foremost, you do not empower a woman by teaching her how to be like a man.

Sitting around with your legs spread, always getting the last word, doing whatever you want without asking if anyone minds, never apologizing, playing unfair, always needing credit for every last thing (which I personally find really obnoxious) and firmly pumping everyone's hand, etc. is just ridiculous. These are not qualities of a good leader or a good man, for that matter.

No person can fake their way to be a remarkable leader through learned gestures. Learned gestures are what we teach monkeys to do for our amusement.

What erodes a woman's self confidence is not apologizing, it's buying this book.

Good leaders of all genders will be genuine people who lead because they are good at it. Because they are smart and passionate and compassionate and better at it than any one else. They will be good leaders because they believe in the goal and the message and because they can communicate and motivate people. They will be good leaders regardless of how many pats on the back they get or how much they get paid. The Good Leaders will be successful regardless of their hand strength and regardless of what hangs or does not hang between their legs.

The Good Leaders are equipped with good grammar. Especially when publishing a book so as to avoid "not get taken seriously."

Spark Art & Writing- New Mixed Media Art

2010-09-06T15:12:00.001-07:00

We finished another round of Spark, the Art & Writing Challenge. This time around I had two partners. After reading Kim's poem, I created this piece, called "Friendship."

The girl's eyes were what captured my attention in this vintage photo. With her hands on her heart, she seems the essence of love and loyalty.

I had a lot of fun cutting out images for her crown of flowers.

I used silver thread and emerald colored beads for her necklace.

And using Rus' short story, I created this mixed media piece, called "Flow."

I started off painting the ocean, then added papers and more paint.

Finally, I drew a woman in deep reflection, hair flowing in the breeze. My daughter suggested that she needed a necklace, and I think it adds a lot. I loved using watercolors to enhance the subtle colors of the woman. The way they pool in certain areas and mix with other colors makes the result always a surprise.

You can see more art and writing from Spark here.

The Tension of Dreaming and Sitting Still

2010-08-17T20:57:00.001-07:00

I'm always more reflective at night. After the lights are off and the house is silent, it's finally quiet enough to hear inside. Although lately I've been trying to drown out my thoughts. Mostly because I need to ignore them to persevere. It sounds dramatic, but it's really pretty simple: I can't have what I want.

I'm a dreamer by nature. A planner and a starter. I love complexity and fixing things, or even creating something out of nothing. But routines and maintenance kill my soul. I think a part of it dies every time I have to repeat the formulaic process. So I dream to keep going. Some day I'll get to do... (fill in blank). And then I can survive the boredom. Yes, boredom is my enemy.

And it's really hard to watch others thrive. They get to live out the dreams in my heart while I'm still waiting. Sitting still. The kids have a book about having to learn to sit still in school. Sitting still. Sit still. Still sitting still. Sit still! I feel like that kindergardener who wants to run and play and explore. But right now it's circle time and I need to sit still and listen and learn.

So what am I learning? Well, I've learned that I suck at sitting still. I have no patience. But I AM trying every day. I'm trying very hard to be content where I am. And to keep the dreams alive, instead of crushing them because they are too painful to remember. So I'm gently nourishing the dreams in my heart while still living one day at a time. Holding that tension is emotionally exhausting. And complicated. But I do like complexity. Hmm...

*photo credit*

Beautiful Oregon

2010-08-09T18:13:00.000-07:00

My in-laws recently moved from Dallas to Portland, so we went for a visit. It's hard to believe places like that really exist, the exquisite beauty of water and mountains and huge trees.

Ted and I decided we need to live next to the ocean.

Gorgeous flowers were everywhere. These were at a local park.

We couldn't believe how big even the fruit was in Oregon.

This is the view from Garry & Rachel's living room window. Sigh.

Rachel & Garry with their "babies," next to a community garden. I wish we had one here!

Their house- just kidding! I saw this in the woods and had to take a picture. I'm not sure where I'm going to use it in my art, but I just love the crumbling structure.

We had a picnic lunch in a little park off the beaten path.

After lunch, we walked on the trail nearby. It was like stepping back in time.

Suddenly a curve in the trail revealed this waterfall!

Ted wanted to get in, but I wouldn't let him. I'm a stick-in-the-mud, I know.

Multnomah Falls is breathtaking.

At the bottom of the falls.

We took a trip down the coast and stopped by these amazing trees. They don't grow this tall in Texas!

Our view when we looked up.

It was pretty chilly there- a welcome relief from 100+ degree days in Texas!

This is the 250-300 year old "Octopus Tree."

Did I mention we want to move to Oregon?...

It seemed like everywhere we looked was picture perfect.

Some of the cliffs we passed along the way.

Needless to say, I can't wait to go back!

Featured in Etsy Treasuries

2010-07-27T13:14:00.000-07:00

Thanks to TheForestFaery and RiniMugginsVintage for including my photo "English Countryside" and my painting "Survivor" in their Etsy treasuries! I think it's my 6th or 7th time to be included in a treasury, and each time it blows me away. Especially when I consider the other amazing artists included. Thanks for supporting local art!

shades of Pemberley
Vintage Victorian black...
VintConditio...
$198.00 USD
Long Pearl Drop Earrings
SkullNBows
Sold
Piano Forte - Antique P...
SweetPeaImagery
$15.00 USD
Black- White Toille Org...
stickyard
$175.00 USD
Antique French 19th Cen...
twomaisons
$280.00 USD
Aunt Dotty's Geese
JanelBraggFin...
$25.00 USD
large cameo creation, v...
salvagedbits
On Vacation
Aphrodite Spring Fashio...
artlab
$48.00 USD
Semi-Custom Regency-era...
redthreaded
$289.00 USD
Mammoth Ivory Cameo - L...
MtJuneauTrad...
$174.00 USD
English Countryside Pho...
MixedEmotions
$5.00 USD
fabulous black urn
sadieolive
$125.00 USD
FREE SHIPPING --- Engli...
Biberta
$20.00 USD
Anna on horse
4YourWedding
$1,500.00 USD
Tea Time Necessity....T...
FabricatedFamily
$24.00 USD

Remember

Butterflies of Terezin ...
ruthshapiro
$170.00 USD
Holocaust by Mikhail On...
ThimbleNina
$15.00 USD
Railroad tracks.
mdsspittingim...
$22.00 USD
Survivor- Mixed Media P...
MixedEmotions
$10.00 USD
Hear O' Israel / Ne...
zehavakalfa
$3,000.00 USD
Anne Frank ORIGINAL pai...
loveaboveall
$75.00 USD
Steles - Original Sign...
YannPendaries
Sold
Remember -Lest we Forge...
AlmostARTifacts
$7.00 USD
Entrance to Auschwitz-B...
nato
$75.00 USD
Expressionist, Fine Art...
cindycolumbia...
$15.00 USD
Holocaust Memorial
FikhmanFoto
$75.00 USD
Memorial Pillars In Mia...
jemvistaprint
$18.00 USD
Prosthetic Limbs--matte...
glittergirlga...
$30.00 USD
Corrie Ten Boom
DailyManna
$5.00 USD
Etty Hillesum
roadsidesaints
$450.00 USD
1979 Holocaust - Playin...
ArtZodiac

Girl Show Pictures

2010-07-17T14:20:00.000-07:00

It was great to meet so many amazing local artists, designers, and musicians!

My table- jewelry, art, prints, cards, hope jars, personalized gift boxes, and the Alice in Wonderland diorama. Let me know if you want to buy something- I have plenty left!

Some new abstract pieces on the top left

New collage on bottom, and art print "More Than Our Parts"

Personalized hope jars and gift boxes for sale

The creating process

Each hope jar is filled with 365 encouraging quotes & Scripture, one for every day

My happy helper survived with no injuries :) It was an incredible show!

Girl Show 2010

2010-07-08T14:03:00.000-07:00

If you're in the Dallas area this weekend, stop by ArtLoveMagic's annual Girl Show from 8pm- midnight. Amazing local artists, musicians, dancers, fashion and jewelry designers and more- all women! Tickets are just $10 per night, or you can get a $15 pass for both nights (and it includes goodies). Stop by my art table on Friday night and say hi!

70's Birthday Party

2010-06-14T12:51:00.000-07:00

I just celebrated my 31st birthday last month. We decided to have the party at our house, in part because it would force us to finish remodeling and cleaning (the 5 year ongoing project). It was really busy, but we finished it right in time.

Ted decided to throw me a 70's themed party, and to do it in stages. The first stage was at our house. We had snacks and hung out, enjoying the ridiculous costumes everyone wore.

I usually avoid parties- especially costume parties- but since it was my party, I had to dress up and be nice. :)

For the second stage, we went to the skating rink. It was surreal. I used to go every weekend as a middle schooler, and apparently they all still do. There were tons of kids, all trying to be cool and clever. The drama factor was intense. So there we were- grownups in 70's style, trying not to fall on the kids as we skated.

One of my friends wore a huge afro wig, short shorts, and knee high socks. The kids crowded around him in their skates. That wig actually made the rounds that night on several people.

But we had so much fun trying to remember how to skate. It was special for me to hold hands with my sweetie in the same rink we had first held hands and skated in 18 years earlier. Now, we held our kids' hands as they slipped around the rink.

After skating, we went back to our house for a house concert. I'm constantly amazed by my friends' musical talents. Ted had made the backyard really special with Christmas lights hung around a "stage" area.

Meredith & Nathan (my sis and bro-in-law) played first. They are without a doubt the most talented musicians I know. His guitar skills are unmatched, and her voice is pure but strong. Every song is unique and stays with you for days. Right now they're putting a demo together, which I can't wait to hear.

Next up was Mimo, with more of a folksy sound. I could listen to him sing all day, and his lyrics are clever and inspiring, often piercingly challenging and raw. Then Gina sang some originals, and I was so proud since it was only the second time she's done it in front of everyone. Her songs reflect her passionate nature, which I loved. Then Ted played his song, which is amazing, but it was hard to take him seriously with his crazy mustache and sideburns. Even my friend Kelly played an intricate guitar piece she'd written.

We finally said goodnight to everyone after 1:30 am or so. The concert was magical, with the music and twinkling lights shining in the darkness outside. I felt very loved and amazed at God's blessing- to be surrounded by wonderful family and friends.

Summer Fun-tivities!

2010-06-14T12:20:00.000-07:00

Summer is officially on full-blast in Texas! It's crazy hot and muggy outside as early as 7 am. So with 3 kids at home, inside activities are the best way to go.

I've decided to be really intentional with my time over the summer with the kids. To see this as an excellent opportunity for investing into their lives. I love them to pieces, but we all need structure in order to survive the long days with each other.

So I'm kind of approaching this as my summer teaching job. I created a daily schedule, a weekly menu (even listing snacks), and weekly activities, crafts, and lessons (Bible stories and character development). Each week we have two major outings, and we have something special to do every day- whether it's just fingerpainting or making a tent in the living room.

I found a lot of resources online, and from a book called The Preschooler's Busy Book by Trish Kuffner. Our local libraries and malls have lots of activities just for the summer, and even the movie theaters have special discount days. If you have other suggestions, leave me a comment- I would love more ideas!

Hopefully, we will have a blast this summer making memories for years to come. And... we won't kill each other. That's the other goal. :)

Volunteering at Juvenile Detention

2010-05-16T18:21:00.000-07:00

Last week was my first time in the Juvenile Detention Center. I've always been a "good girl" (I hate getting in trouble), so I was nervous to be around teenagers with a different outlook. But I'd gotten my fingerprints taken, my photo ID, and attended the volunteer training, so I wasn't about to back out now. Plus, I'd survived 5 years of working at a charter school with several ankle-monitored kids in attendance. It couldn't be that bad, right?

I'm volunteering with my friends from Alert (the same group who ministers to sexually exploited women at brothels and strip clubs). We realize that many of the girls in juve have been sexually exploited already, and have been involved with prostitution, drugs, or criminal behavior. Our goal is to connect with these girls and introduce them to a loving God. To teach them life skills and pray with them, if they want.

The girls walked in the room, hands behind their orange shirts, escorted by the female security guards on duty. It was a typical group of teenagers- some were smiling and talkative, others were silent, and a few had scowls on their faces, with a don't-mess-with-me look in their eyes. They sat in a circle and talked about how their week was. They remembered the previous week's lesson on assertiveness vs. aggression, a good start. Then we told them the day's topic- mother daughter relationships.

We split them into small groups and had them work on a collage. They were to put images or words that described their relationship with their moms or mother figures. Some girls immediately began flipping through magazines and ripping out pictures, while others needed a lot of explanation and had trouble getting started. I walked around the room, encouraging their efforts and asking questions about the words and images they selected.

One girl had been silent the entire time, refusing to comment on her week. For the activity, she pulled a chair to a corner of the room, facing away from everyone except one of the security guards. At first, I didn't think she would participate at all, but I watched her begin to draw. Then she asked for a magazine and glue. She finished quickly, then put her head down.

I cautiously approached and asked if I could see her collage. On the front, she had drawn a picture of her shooting her mother, with the words "pay back is here" and "I got revenge." She had drawn a broken heart on the side, and the bottom said "I still love you!" On the back of the paper were two smiling faces- one woman, one girl. She had written "when we were happy" and "we were both clean."

The girl silently wiped tears from her eyes as I handed her collage back. I told her that sometimes art was a great way to express things we can't talk about. And I left it at that. Although she didn't say a word the rest of the time, she let me take a picture of her work.

On my way home, I realized that she was the reason I wanted to help people. There are so many out there who are hurting and desperate and lost. They don't want to be talked down to or preached at, they want someone to listen. To care. To cry with them, and offer hope that things can change. I realized that even though I have so many issues myself, I can still help. When I see girls like her, my heart is filled to overflowing with love and concern. And I realize that I can still make a difference, one person at a time.

Be Still

2010-05-03T21:53:00.000-07:00

Though cares and needs throb around you like a sea

Be still, and hear what God will say to thee

O rest, in utter quietude of soul,

Abandon words, leave prayer and praise awhile;

Let your whole being, hushed in His control,

Learn the full meaning of His voice and smile

But with your Father as a child sit down,

And know the bliss that follows His 'Be Still!'

(from Streams in the Desert)

No matter what is going on in your life, God whispers to your heart- "Be still, and know that I am God." (Ps. 46:10) May His peace wash over you today!

Hidden

2010-04-17T21:13:00.000-07:00

An amazing tree from Holmsted Manor in England

I was feeling nostalgic, so I pulled out an old journal and landed on a page from 3 years ago. But it strangely fit with where I am today.

I started a new book called "Anonymous" by Alicia Britt Chole. It's exactly what I need to be reading right now. And I'm struck with thankfulness that God always provides books and conversations to me that help me process and grow. Because it's so potent and needed, I'm reading it slowly. I read the introduction- just three pages- about 5 times. I know it really needs to sink in.

It's about being hidden, those "unfruitful" times of silence and winter, the gap between our dreams and our reality. So yeah, that's exactly me right now. I'm trying to really drink it in, that God doesn't waste my time. That each day is a gift. I have to stop living in the future. Today's uneventful reality is just as important. I can do things differently and change my perspective today. I don't want to live with regrets.

God, please keep teaching me, pushing and challenging me. Help me be content and stop trying to rush where we're going. Help me find rest in these hidden years, before the "fruitfulness." It's not wasted and I'm not a failure just because I'm not living in my fullest potential. I am just Yours and I want to use this time wisely. I want to get closer to You each moment I'm here, before we start to move again.

I had no idea that the "hiddenness" would last this long- over 3 years so far. I've learned a lot, grown a lot. Not outwardly with success or fruit, but deep roots grounded in faith. I still struggle with restlessness, self-worth, impatience at the pace I'm traveling. But I trust the One leading me. I look outside and see the evidence of spring everywhere, and I can't help but feel hopeful. Maybe it won't be much longer now...

Sewing Desires

2010-04-10T09:51:00.000-07:00

Home Sweet Home

I've always been amazed at those women who can sew, embroider, knit, and crochet. They make it look so easy and fun. With 3 growing kids, I often have to repair holes and sew buttons back onto their clothes. I have an overflowing bag full of misc. clothes, just waiting for me to repair them. I've found that sewing is pretty relaxing to me. Maybe it's my obsessive compulsive need to check things off the list and watch the bag's contents shrink, but I really like sewing.

Heart Samplers

I started seeing some cute needlework online, modern takes on the old cross stitch crafts that used to be popular. And the beautiful embroidery of vintage handkerchiefs and pillowcases made me feel inspired. I wondered if I could make detailed flowers or cute little sayings in thread. Armed with an idea, some embroidery thread, and no knowledge of what the heck I was doing, I started to sew.

Vintage Needlework

Then I did some research and learned about different stitches and fancy knots. Women have been sewing since the dawn of time, so there are even stitches named after different countries that vary in complexity. Not ready to go there just yet. But I'm learning the basics as I go.

Stitch Dictionary

So here is my first effort at embroidery. I drew a vintage looking floral design on the fabric, and attempted a few different stitches.

I learned a lot in the process, and now see all the flaws, but you have to start somewhere, right?

Plus, it was a lot of fun to make my own design and the repetitive motion of sewing is relaxing.

Now I need to start on another one- that thread is calling my name! :)

Ups and Downs

2010-03-31T20:59:00.000-07:00

(Eastman Johnson, "The Girl I Left Behind Me")

"Jesus is holding up your name on the palms of His hands. The Holy Spirit simply awaits your act of trust, so He may whisper in your heart the echo of the answer from the throne of God, 'It is done.'" -A.B. Simpson

Well, I must be honest. Life has been up and down emotionally for the last few months. I would have a few great days, where I love life and everything is beautiful, and then... not so much. I got hit a few times with some pretty bad depression. It's always scary, because I don't know how far I will sink, or when I'll come back up for air again.

In those times, I keep doing what I know to do. Keep taking the meds, keep clinging to God, keep talking & not isolating, etc. I hate that I can do all the right things and still find myself whipped around like a paper doll in the storm. But praise God, He is faithful! Even when I feel myself drowning, I know He is my anchor, and I cling all the harder to Him.

Today, the Lord reminded me of Isaiah 30:18-9
"The Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all those who wait for him! O people... you will weep no more. How gracious he will be when you cry for help! As soon as he hears, he will answer you."

Yesterday, God reminded me of Daniel 9:23, 10:12
"As soon as you began to pray, an answer was given... Since the first day that you set your mind to gain understanding and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come in response to them."

It's been like this for months. As I've cried out to God for direction, strength, peace, anything- He has comforted and answered me in His Word and through the words of others. So my encouragement to you is this- cry out to God for whatever it is that you need. He will answer. It may not be the answer you're wanting, or He may just say to wait for His timing, but He is always faithful to respond.

Alice in Wonderland Project

2010-03-06T11:24:00.000-08:00

Last night we saw Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland, and it was just what I imagined it would be. The girl who played Alice was passionate and charming, the costumes were textured and colorful, and it all had kind of a melancholy edge. Next week I'm taking my daughter to see the 3-D Imax version.

For the latest SPARK Art/Writing Challenge last month, my writer partner had written a poem about Wonderland. Having always been fascinated by Lewis Carroll's books and all things Alice(I agree that some of the best people are completely mad), I decided to make something of a tribute to it.

This is my project, called "Curiouser and Curiouser." I used different images from the illustrated books and other images of clocks and keys, etc. And for a special touch, I added some fresh moss from an old graveyard in East Texas. I sprayed the moss, but I'm not sure if it will stay green; we'll see. I will post more as soon as the SPARK site is updated on the latest round.

Hope Jars

2010-02-04T12:31:00.001-08:00

For Christmas, I gave people what I called "Hope Jars"- Upcycled containers with 365 encouraging quotes, song lyrics, or Scriptures in them. Since we didn't have any money to spend, and because I love making special gifts for people, I had to be creative.

I collected glass and plastic food jars, cleaned them out, and decoupaged with pretty papers. I painted a bird and "Hope Jar" on each one, and filled them with daily words of encouragement. Most of the strips of paper were from "Streams in the Desert" and other books that had really given me hope last year. I prayed over each quote and each jar as I was making them, and it really blessed me as much as it blessed the people I gave them to. I even made one for Ted & myself, so we read one daily and put it in a box to reuse for the next year.

I will be posting a few "Hope Jars" on my etsy shop soon, so let me know if you'd like to buy one for yourself or as a special gift for someone else.

My Journey to Hope

2010-01-20T18:29:00.000-08:00

I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear and put their trust in the Lord. (Psalm 40:1-3)

When I read these verses again the other day, I was reminded that this is my story, too. After many years of deep depression and seemingly unanswerable questions to the Lord, He opened my eyes to see that He had been right there all along. God miraculously pulled me to my feet and put a new song in my mouth. I immediately began writing songs of hope and praise. Because of what the Lord has done in me, my life's purpose is to point others to Him. I hope that many will see and put their trust in the Lord. He is faithful!

Joyful Living Update

2010-01-12T20:54:00.000-08:00

Last week I reflected on my realization that I needed to do more than just survive. Since then, I'm happy to report that I have been living life more joyfully. I'm doing my best to be fully present and enjoy the simple things. Even in the midst of potty-training a strong willed toddler and the daily dramas of my other two very sensitive children, I am at peace (more or less, depending on how early in the morning it is).

I've found that it requires a lot of energy to remain positive and joyful in the daily grind. It requires energy to patiently explain the rules of bedtime for the thousandth time, to not mirror the hysterical tween's anger about the unfairness of life, and to keep a sweet spirit when all three are shouting with hyperactive glee in a small, compact car. Yes, these are the real tests of joy. Diapers and dishes, all completed with the refrain, "Do everything as unto the Lord."

But the more time I've spent pursuing His presence, the quicker I run back to my prayer closet, the more I feel His sustaining grace for all things. I'm drawn more and more to read His Word, to soak up His love, and to reflect it to others. I feel more alive already. Praise the Lord!

I've been able to play more lately. Which means I'm spending more time investing in the kids, but less time having anything to show for my days. I've played with a LOT of race cars, read a lot of books to the kids, and had a lot of talks about everything under the sun that happens to pop into their heads. My reward today was watching my 7 year old read to my enraptured toddler this afternoon. I snapped a picture before it could vanish into craziness again. Joy is found in the smallest things!

Joyful Living

2010-01-03T21:13:00.000-08:00

I am SO excited that it's a new year. I always feel hopeful with a new beginning, but this new year is especially wonderful. 2009 was a hard year for me, a year of intense pruning and a stripping away of things. God lead me through the desert, but with the hardship He revealed hidden springs under ground.

I learned about perseverance, endurance, and most importantly, His love. He taught me to trust Him, to believe when it seemed impossible. He disciplines those He loves, and I did my best to obey and learn. So although I'm still a work in progress, I know I've grown this year- as a direct result of His pruning in my life.

But I realized the other day that although I've been striving hard to continue in hope and faith, to persevere, I haven't been joyful much lately. I've been working so hard at surviving that I've forgotten how to celebrate and enjoy life.

New Year's was the best day I've had in at least a year, maybe more. We just hung out with some friends and played games. We laughed and laughed, until my cheeks and stomach muscles ached. We have all been tense and exhausted. It felt really good to laugh and let the pressure go.

Afterwards, I tried to remember to carry that playfulness into my daily routine. To be silly with the kids and flirt with my husband more, to smile and not be so serious and anxious all the time.

The laughter fades so quickly in the day to day, and I realized I may need to do some research about joy. I'm not sure I've ever lived with it. I've had momentary times of peace and happiness, but not joy in the journey, in spite of circumstances. Someone gave me a book about finding hidden joy in a dark corner, and I think it's time to read it.

I'm looking forward to this new year, this fresh start. To leave the desert, or at least my perspective of it, behind me. I hope that I will discover God's joy this year, and that so many of my friends and family who are in similar places in life will find it, too. I just have a feeling that it's going to be a good year.

Buy Gifts AND Make a Difference

2009-12-15T20:44:00.000-08:00

This Christmas, why not buy gifts AND make a difference? One great website to visit is Ten Thousand Villages, one of the world's largest fair trade organizations. Artisans in 38 different countries handcraft jewelry, furniture, clothing, and other items, in impoverished places where they wouldn't be employed otherwise. And each item tells the story of the person or group it came from. Here are some great and inexpensive gift ideas I found:

Multi Strand Cuff Bracelet from India

Cut Metal Tree of Life from Haiti

Back Scrubber Kit from Ecuador

Blue Art Deco Bracelet from Guatemala

Condiment Jars in Basket from Vietnam

Reversible Silk Scarf from India

Recycled Foil Mosaic Bag from Bangladesh

Leaf and Bamboo Journal from Indonesia

Hammock Chair from Nicaragua

Elephants Puzzle from Sri Lanka

Leather Stick Drum from Kenya

Geometric Rose Pendant from West Bank

Reverse Painted Jewelry Chest from Peru

Sky Water Leaves Grass Art Exhibit

2009-12-11T07:33:00.000-08:00

Heidi Lingamfelter & Winter Rusiloski: Sky Water Leaves Grass at Mokah Art Gallery
December 2, 2009- January 2, 2010

Although winter is setting in outside, the walls of Mokah Art Gallery are bursting with color and life. This newest exhibit features two female artists, Heidi Lingamfelter and Winter Rusiloski. Both artists’ work centers on nature, however, each uses a distinct approach with the subject matter.

Fallen Magnolia by Heidi Lingamfelter

Heidi Lingamfelter uses collagraphs to capture the essence of nature in a tangible work of art. She appreciates the simple beauty of the outdoors and loves collaborating with nature,
“Nature is the constant and I am the engineer,” says Lingamfelter.

Lingamfelter collects samples of the outside world, puts them on a press with colorful ink, and then turns the old fashioned crank to create a stunning piece of art. The result is a calming, meditative experience. Instead of using art to shock or push an agenda, Lingamfelter tries to recreate a moment, a simple scene of nature the observer can relate with.

Lingamfelter’s love of texture is apparent in each piece she creates. On the press plate, the ink seeps into the grooves between the grass, bark, or stones. As a result, each collagraph has a unique pattern and texture. Lingamfelter admits to her tactile obsession. She has always been very active and enjoys the physicality of the artistic process- going outside and collecting pieces of nature, then lifting the heavy machinery to create her images. In contrast, she often uses smooth brush strokes to paint the backgrounds for her collagraphs. The combination of lively textures and calming natural elements produce introspective pieces of artwork.

Father: The Machine by Winter Rusiloski

Winter Rusiloski needed a challenge. Having grown up in an artistic family, she was familiar with most basic art forms. After doing mostly abstract paintings, Rusiloski decided she wanted to branch out a little. During a trip to the Canadian border, she was overcome by the beautiful symmetry of the horizon. The connection between the lake and the sky was captivating. Afterwards, Rusiloski decided to take pictures of these images to use in her artwork.

At first taking pictures of found objects, Rusiloski then asked family members to send her images of the surrounding land in Pennsylvania. The quaint farms, haystacks, and trees provided inspiration for her abstract paintings. She challenged herself to match the colors in the pictures, and to continue the images with abstract lines and forms. Rusiloski works to unite the photographs and the abstract images, to cause them to integrate together seamlessly. As a result, her pieces are vibrant patches of color with hidden images of landscapes and nature.

Both Lingamfelter and Rusiloski use the outdoors as a springboard to create a unique outlook on nature. Their distinct approaches of collagraphs and abstract paintings form visual representations of natural elements. Although each piece is distinctive to its maker, the overall result is a colorful and textural experience.

Heidi Lingamfelter & Winter Rusiloski: Sky Water Leaves Grass is on view at Mokah Art Gallery through January 2, 2010.

* art review written for Dallas Art News

Discovery in the Woods

2009-12-03T11:12:00.000-08:00

I love visiting our relatives in East Texas. As soon as we get close, I start relaxing and feel at home. My mom inherited some land there, and on holidays, we all take the bumpy ride through the woods. Eventually my parents want to build a house on the land, but right now there aren't roads, and it's overgrown and wild. Which I happen to love, by the way. When I'm in the middle of the tall trees, all I can hear is the wind rustling the leaves. It is the closest thing to heaven I can imagine.

So after Thanksgiving, my family went to visit the land again. It's been colder in Texas this year (it even snowed yesterday!), and the maple trees were bursting with color. Berries, walnuts, and pine cones covered the ground, among the overgrown grasses and weeds. It was a lovely mess.

I went exploring in one section of trees and discovered two old glass jars half buried in the ground. One was small, but the other was larger and filled with plants. As I looked closer, I noticed the jar had a fern growing inside of it, and the soil and moss had plugged up the opening, creating a terrarium right there in the woods! It was strange, because there were no ferns anywhere else to be found outside- just in that old one gallon glass jar. I was so excited about this curious finding, in the middle of nowhere. I carried around my prize while the kids tried to skip stones in the pond.

I was a little hesitant to clean the jar, fearing that some small creature might have taken up residence. But I finally did it this afternoon, and now it looks lovely. So I have my first terrarium, discovered in the woods of my future inheritance. A nice little surprise ending to a great Thanksgiving!

Ten Thousand Homes Show

2009-11-20T10:49:00.000-08:00

Hi, friends!
I wanted to remind you about the show tonight. It's for Ten Thousand Homes, an awesome non-profit, that in response to the AIDS epidemic now builds homes for orphans in South Africa. Mimo from 'Something in the Wheel' will be playing, along with a portion of 'FindingCadence'- me, Ted, and our good friend Jenise on acoustic guitar.

It's at 8pm in the Mokah Lounge at Life in Deep Ellum. All proceeds benefit TTH ($5 Cover).

Come hear some awesome music and do your part to help bring homes to orphans in South Africa!

Slower Pace to Dream

2009-11-03T11:43:00.000-08:00

I don't know if it's a seasonal thing, but my mind is shifting and dreaming a lot lately. I'm forcing myself to stay on task, but I keep getting random inspiration and ideas throughout the day.

I think some of it has to do with the time of year, I suppose. The leaves are falling, and I'm collecting pecans from our backyard. I'm looking ahead to Thanksgiving and scarves and jackets, smells of cinnamon and spice, and slowing down the pace of life to spend more time with family and friends. I love this time of year.

Maybe the slower pace makes me more reflective. If I have dead space- like in the car, or waiting for an appointment- I typically start daydreaming or creating ideas in my head. So, I've remade my house mentally. All that's left is to get some money and redo it all. :) And I've planned several creative projects, if I'll ever have a chunk of time to do them.

And I've been thinking about different people on my heart lately, praying more specifically for them. I'm feeling God's presence more and more in my daily routine. Like when Ted's on the computer and I'm reading a book- I feel connected to him, even though we're not constantly talking. I love quality time, just being with him, doing ordinary things. I think God must feel the same way.

Well, I guess we'll see what happens with all this sudden inspiration. There comes a point when I must get it out of my head and into the action phase. But I'm content just to daydream for now.

*feel free to use these images!*

Conquering the Stigma of Mental Illness

2009-10-21T11:18:00.000-07:00

"1 in 6 adults and almost 1 in 10 children suffer from a diagnosable mental illness. Yet, for many, the stigma associated with the illness can be as great a challenge as the disease itself... You see, stigma is caused by either the wrong information (misperception), or no information at all (ignorance)...

"The good news is- stigma can be conquered. How? By those with a mental illness sharing their stories. And by those without an illness- listening and learning." - from Bring Change 2 Mind

Sexual Exploitation in Dallas

2009-10-14T11:02:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've joined with a few ladies in ministering to sexually exploited women in Dallas. We visit local brothels, strip clubs and call sex ads to pray for the women and try to show them Christ's love. In many of the brothels, Asian immigrants sleep on mats- on the same floor where they sell their bodies during work hours. Because these women speak limited English, and have no transportation, they have been our biggest burden.

A few weeks ago we took some bread and sparkling grape juice, along with some Scripture verses (in English/Thai) to pass out to the women in the brothels. Several of the places have been shut down since we visited in August, but it's left the remaining brothels very busy. The parking lots were unusually full for a weekday afternoon.

Most of the Asian brothels have shrines set up outside where the women can daily bring food sacrifices or incense. It saddens me to think about the life these women are living. The cycle of degradation, lust, power and confused prayers offered to man-made gods with deaf ears.

We're currently in the process of trying to start a non-profit organization so that we can raise funds to continue ministering to these marginalized women. There is so much more on our hearts to do. And the need continues to grow, as our eyes are opened to sexual exploitation all around us.

"Clean" is in the eye of the beholder...

2009-10-12T20:46:00.000-07:00

Just thought I'd share a recent frustration- my daughter's version of a "clean" room.

Well, at least I can see the floor again...

Take Captive Every Thought

2009-10-02T12:56:00.000-07:00

Last night I didn't sleep very well. I went to bed late, couldn't get comfortable, and Ted's snoring was worse than normal. I tried sleeping on the couch, but I'm used to someone next to me, so I went back to my bed. I finally was able to fall asleep using the earplugs I wear during band practices. Yes, the snoring was that loud. Then Timothy came into my bed in the wee hours. So I knew it was going to be a rough day.

While I was showering, I felt really down. I kept thinking about finances, life circumstances, body image issues... and the world was turning dark and overwhelming. And then I remembered that I hadn't had much sleep, and that perhaps this depression was really just physical exhaustion. So I felt better, but then my mind kept drifting to the same problems, and I'd feel discouraged again. So I told myself again that nothing had changed but my perspective, I was just tired. Every time I had a negative thought, I had to tell myself the truth. "Take captive every thought" (2 Cor. 10:5). Arrest the thought, deflect it, replace it. Repeat as needed.

It still surprises me how fast I can feel overwhelmed and depressed. If I had given in to the negative thoughts, I could have been immobilized by the end of my shower, and it would've been that much harder to remind myself of God's truth. Little things like sleep make a HUGE difference in being able to manage thoughts and emotions. And when I feel vulnerable to attacks of discouragement, that's when I need to stay closer and cling harder to God.

Later in the morning, I was able to play some worship songs on my piano and just rest in His presence. I felt completely refreshed and re-centered again. And when Timothy took his nap, I took a little one, too. The combination of sleep + God's presence = peace. Sounds simple, but it's easy to forget in the emotional breakdown. Fortunately, God is really nice and nudges me in the right direction when I start to lose my way. Hopefully, I'll remember tomorrow when the daily chaos strikes again. But for tonight, I'll try to get more sleep. I think I'll be proactive and use my earplugs right away this time.

New Jewelry and Art Prints for Sale

2009-09-25T12:12:00.000-07:00

I was lucky enough to win this month's art giveaway from Leah Piken Kolidas. She has a great blog called Creative Every Day that I encourage you to check out. This is the print I received today, called "At Sea," which I can't wait to add to my wall collection of art prints.

I also updated my Etsy shop recently with some goodies. Here's a pair of upcycled orange earrings and aqua floral earrings. All of my earrings are made from reclaimed materials (except for the ear hooks), so they are one of a kind, lightweight, and inexpensive!

I've also added some new art prints and photographs. This is a print of my original mixed media art "Wonder," and a picture called "English Countryside."

Stop by my Etsy shop to see more art prints and unique jewelry!

Fun With Fail

2009-09-18T12:19:00.000-07:00

Ok, I usually don't do this... but I just discovered the funniest website, and I had to share some of my favorites. There are about 300 pages of hilarious pictures and videos. Go to http://www.failblog.org/ to see more.

How do you mistake this for a cat?

I'm all about upcycling, but this southern halter goes too far!

It was probably his first and last fall, and wouldn't you know it, the Queen rides by.

so bad for publicity

poor kid

some groups you don't want to leave

lazy worker fail

how?!

hope fail- what message are we sending here?

privacy fail- I like the chairs facing the toilets

safety fail- a plastic bag, really?

boundaries in relationships fail

transporting hay fail

catch fail

canoe fail

should have read the sign fail

flying bat fail

axe murderer fail- hmm, no one stopping?...

Spark Story- Stalker

2009-09-15T13:14:00.000-07:00

The Spark site is up and running, so stop by to see some amazing art and writing talent. I must say I was quite surprised by my partner's inspiration art. It's much darker than I had expected, but I started writing and tried to let it go where it wanted. I still had to reel it in at the end- I'm too much of an optimist (I need happy endings). Here's the art by Jasen Nicely and my response to it. I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Jacen Nicely
Inspiration piece provided to Michelle Wallace

Stalker
By Michelle Wallace

Sara woke up from a restless sleep and glanced at the clock. Crap, it was already after ten o’clock. She groaned as she forced her legs to move from under the covers to the floor. Stumbling past her mirror, she noticed that once again she’d forgotten to remove her makeup from the previous evening. The black mascara mingled with glittery blue made her look like a fancy raccoon. Yikes, not picture friendly today, she thought.

After a hot shower, she was finally able to focus her attention on the day’s tasks. She had a voicemail from her manager telling her how great last night’s show had been. Sara smiled as she remembered the concert. There had been a good turnout, and despite several minor irritations with the sound system, it was one of her better shows. She had sung her heart out and flowed with the crowd’s energy.

She frowned as she remembered the creepy guy who cornered her as she was packing up her gear. He had piercing eyes and personal space issues. Sara always made a point of being friendly to fans, but this guy was making it difficult. He mistook her courtesy for an open invitation to be crass. She had two simultaneous thoughts- Is this guy for real? and, Run away! Luckily, her drummer came to the rescue and asked her to solve a merchandise problem. By the time all the equipment was loaded, the weirdo was fortunately nowhere to be seen.

She flipped through her calendar to see when the next show was and made a mental note to call her bandmates about some changes she wanted to make. She sent out a few emails and then went outside to check the mailbox. No thank you, I don’t need another credit card. God, I hate junk mail.

And then she saw it.
The black envelope with her name in silvery ink.

Hmm, I don’t think anyone’s getting married that I know of. What is this?

She slid her fingernail under the seal and took out the contents with faint curiosity. On the card was a black crow with feathers scattered around it. Bright red eyes stared back at hers. But most distressing were the words written next to the bird- “He’s watching and waiting.”

Sara nearly tripped on the door frame as she read the words. She flipped the card over and scanned the envelope for a return address. Nothing, not even a stamp. No clue as to the sender. Suddenly feeling very paranoid and vulnerable, she shut the front door and locked it quickly. She shivered in the warm room. Her thoughts raced as she tried to compose herself.

It’s probably a joke. Yeah, my twisted brother just wanted to have a good laugh at my expense. Or maybe it was Jackson. Her guitarist had always had a warped sense of humor.

But what if it was for real? That guy from the show was really weird. Maybe…
No, she wouldn’t let herself even think it. Trying as best she could to put it out of her mind, Sara went along with her day. She tried not to think about it during her run, but she had nothing to distract her brain from wandering. She pushed her legs faster, watched the trees blur on both sides of the trail. Up ahead she noticed a man jogging towards her. Instinctively she glanced away, but not before their eyes caught for a brief second. As she passed him, she felt his gaze on her. Don’t look back. Don’t look back. She picked up her pace even more.

A branch snapped nearby, startling her out of her thoughts. She looked into the trees, wildly searching for movement. She imagined someone hiding there, just waiting for her to come close. The thought made her almost leap with terror.

Overhead, a cloud covered the sun and left the trail in shadows. Her normal sunny routine suddenly felt like a scene from a horror movie. And she was the victim. Innocent girl wanders into the woods, where the hatchetman watched and waited. Blood red thirst, like the crow eyes on the card. Oh, God! She suppressed a scream and ran as fast as her legs could carry her down the trail, until she suddenly tripped on a rock that had fallen on the path. Thud! She landed in a heap of physical and mental exhaustion. Panic melted into hot tears of fear and frustration and confusion.

After a while Sara collected herself and wearily drove home. She immediately got the creepy card and without looking at it, threw it into the trashcan. She determined not to freak out about it anymore. Just then her cell phone rang.

“Hello?” she answered nervously.

“I’m watching you.”

Her heart stopped for a second.

Suddenly, laughter broke out on the other end of the line. Wait, was that Jackson’s laugh?

“Jackson? You jerk! You scared me to death! What do you want?” she spat out in one relieved breath.

“Did you like my card?” he laughed.

“What? Wait- you sent me that horrible card!? What in the world…!”

“Yeah, I was just messing with you. I saw that weird guy talking to you at the show, and I thought it would be funny if you had your own personal stalker. Thought I’d make you squirm a bit before I confessed,” Jackson said, obviously pleased with himself.

Right then, Sara decided she would get even. She would be patient, wait until he was relaxed and comfortable. Oh, yeah. A slow smile began to form in anticipation.

Reaching and Returns

2009-09-04T10:46:00.000-07:00

Well, things are slowly returning to normal after a busy summer. The sound of silence is priceless! Of course, I only get that when Timothy takes a nap, but it's still something.

I just finished up another round of the SPARK art/writing challenge, so I'll post on that when the site is finished, but I thought I'd at least show you my art piece. It's called "Reaching," based off of the writing my friend did.

Ted & I have done a lot of soul searching for direction lately, and I think we're heading in the right direction. Next semester we're both going back to school for our masters degrees- his in Urban Affairs & Social Work, and I'm switching mine from Counseling to Social Work. God keeps pulling on my heart strings to help people in practical ways, holistically- body, mind, and spirit.

Recently, I was able to go with a friend who ministers to women in the sex industry. It was my first experience seeing where it all takes place, and I wasn't really sure how I'd react. We visited 4 local brothels (I was shocked to see how many there were in our city!) and gave the women homemade brownies with Scripture verses on them. We just told them we cared about them and asked them if they needed prayer for anything. The verses talked about how God had created them with a purpose in mind and that they were valuable. Even though we weren't able to go inside this time, I know God's word never returns void, and I'm praying that the truth of those verses will sink deep into their souls.

I've also been challenged to return to writing more. I still need to finish my book. I had put it aside for a while as I was doing more art, but now it's calling my name again. Last night I was wondering if I was dumb for even trying to do this, if this was just a big waste of time. But this morning I read a devotional that talked about this writer and how words really impact others. I knew God was reminding me that I'm writing this book for a purpose. Even though it's tough to keep it up without feedback, and I'm my worst critic, I have to keep trying. I'm not writing it for me. I'm writing it for others, and I pray that it will bless someone out there when it's finished.

Favorite Art from Etsians

2009-08-25T12:12:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd post some of my recent favorite art from Etsy, just to shake things up a bit. I tend to get a little restless if things are too routine. :)

I love how free the girl looks in this print, by TheBrilliantMagpie.

This one makes me smile, from hsinping.

I want to hang this one in my daughter's room, from johnwgolden's shop.

I love the dreamy look and the landscape, by audreyeclectic.

This print is so colorful and fun, from beethings.

You just gotta love a pink haired princess, by lionbeforelamb.

I love the creepy trees around this girl, from swanbones.

Have a great week!

Girl Show and Ted's Accident

2009-08-09T21:38:00.000-07:00

Well, we had a busy week. The Girl Show was just as awesome as I expected, with tons of artists, musicians, and designers. There was even a tribal dance group, henna tattoos, massages, and a lady spinning yarn. So many cool things to watch, I think even the ADD among us were content.

Ted was a trooper and helped watch the table for me when I went next door to sing a few songs on the open mic. He also built the cool jewelry stand out of scraps from work.

What's really impressive is that he helped me, despite the use of only one hand. I'm sure he's tired of telling the story, so let me. On Thursday he was helping move some shelving units at work, when they slipped and fell on his hand. He ended up having to get a bone graph on his ring finger, but they had to remove part of his middle finger, between the nail and first joint. He's feeling better every day, but is still in pain. So yeah, it's been quite a week!

Storms and Peace

2009-07-29T22:06:00.001-07:00

Last night as I flipped through my journal, I noticed something. This year has been really hard. It seems like it's been one thing after another since January. Every journal entry was full of angst or restlessness or desperation. In between there were lots of prayers, and sometimes peace. Then something else would hit hard, and I'd be writing to release the emotions again.

Then in my devotional this morning, I read something that stopped me in my tracks. "Have you ever prayed to be more like Christ? Have you ever asked for the fruits of the spirit- love, patience, gentleness...? If so, are you surprised that you're surrounded by storms and difficulties?" God uses these hardships to develop and strengthen our faith. I've asked many times to be more like Jesus. To love like Him, think and act like Him. So it shouldn't surprise me that I've been surrounded by problems and pain. In His mercy, God is shaping me and refining me, in order to answer my prayer- that I would be more like Christ.

I'm not sure if it's working or not. In fact at the moment, I feel confused and weak and messy. The constant strain of financial pressure means that I now have to look for a job, we're trying to decide on degree programs, career paths, ministry options, relationship tensions, and more. If being needy means staying on my knees, I told God long ago to let me have it. I probably should've just asked for a million dollars.

But He's more interested in shaping my character than giving me a comfortable existence. And whenever I start to whine about where I am in life, I muster up my faith and declare again, "I choose to trust You, God." Lately, I've been repeating that phrase over and over again. That's what faith is, anyway. Believing in something without seeing any evidence of it. I'm believing that He will hold my hand and walk me through this, one step at a time. And that's all I need right now. The peace of knowing I'm not alone in this. I choose to believe.

The Amazing Girl Show!

2009-07-13T15:25:00.000-07:00

I'm REALLY excited to be one of the artists and musicians featured at this year's Girl Show. It's the biggest event of the year for ArtLoveMagic. So if you live in the Dallas area, you won't want to miss this!

SPARK- My Art and Writing Pieces

2009-06-26T13:02:00.000-07:00

The new SPARK: Art from Writing, Writing from Art challenge is up. Amy Souza started this creative venture to unite artists and writers and inspire them to create off of each other. This time around, I entered as an artist and as a writer, so I had two different partners- Marty McGihon was my art partner, and you can see our page here. And Urmilla Khanna was my writing partner, seen here. There are so many amazingly talented people on this project, so go check it out.

These are the poems I entered:

Reclaimed

Scrape deep, chip away

Remove the years of grime

Expose the raw material

Intended for a different purpose

Splinters tear the flesh

That lovingly strokes,

Pouring lover's blood

Into the restoration

Ragged and rough as sandpaper-

Yet the lightest touch is fire,

Salt in the open wound

Painful purification

Smooth over reclaimed surfaces

Kissed with sweetest silk

And gently unveil

The undiscovered me

Survival Mode

Where the heck am I going?

Driving blindfolded,

It's hard to stay on the road

Walking zombie, arms outstretched

Snatching anything I feel

Willing this to be it-

The place where confusion lifts,

Epiphanies rest

Frustration! Agh!

When, oh, when will this fog disperse?

Stand on that mountain-rock

Breathing clean air, vision restored

I'm tired of drudging in circles,

Survival mode

Let it end, no more!

My foot is firm, my brow is set,

Refusing to take that sedative

This patient will obstinately

Insist on a change

And these are the art pieces I made:

"Idealism"

The little girl is running down a road of song lyrics about fairytales, towards a sparkly castle in the distance. She hopes that when she reaches her destination, she will live happily ever after. I identify all too well.

"Survivor"

I wanted to portray people who have survived great trauma. Not to show them in despair, but to show the strength that exists in spite of it, even the joy that comes in the rescue. The images clockwise: holocaust survivors, girls marching for children's labor rights, a black slave, girls released from sexual trafficking in Asia, "Hope" with her anchor, a group of impoverished families receiving food from the Salvation Army during the Great Depression, and a picture I took of a tree with birds and an open cage.

One Lovely Blog Award

2009-06-22T11:20:00.001-07:00

Thanks to Cinderella Moments for giving me the One Lovely Blog Award! Check out her incredibly detailed cottages on her blog. When you receive the award, you have to pass it along to 15 other people. Which means we all get to discover some great new blogs out there in cyber space. So, I'm nominating these wonderfully inspiring ladies:

Cathe Holden at Just Something I Made always has creative projects to share.

Lilla at Just Lilla makes a variety of lovely things in Hawaii.

June from Art Freebies posts free images almost daily.

Heidi at Moms, Ministry and More has great posts about real life and tough questions.

Lisa Kettell at Faerie Enchantment shares her imaginative world and amazing talent.

Renee Swope from The Journey of My Heart posts insightful devotionals about balancing motherhood with real life.

Ruth Rae at Let the Beauty We Love be What We Do is an incredible textile artist, among other things.

Summer from Design Is Mine posts about everything design- from great etsy finds to fashion to home decor.

The gang at Art Love Magic posts about local artists and musicians, and anything relating to the two.

Linda from Blue Eyed Girl is a wonderfully talented artist with a great heart.

Leah at Creative Every Day shares tons of great ideas, websites and challenges for the inner muse.

The group at Etsy Cottage Style shares lovely images and reflections.

Even though Lani Kent from Healing Expressions is taking an online break, you'll definitely want to check in later for her reflections on the healing power of love and art.

Karen from The Graphics Fairy posts lots of vintage images for you to use.

Lysa Terkeurst from P31 Woman always shares devotionals that challenge and encourage.

** Don't forget to sign up for the Pay It Forward challenge on my previous post! The first 5 people will get a handmade gift!

Pay It Forward

2009-06-20T14:33:00.000-07:00

Let's play *Pay It Forward*!

I signed up for the challenge that Kelly Vivanco posted on her blog. Just read below and if you feel up to the task, copy the following into your blog and leave me a comment. The first 5 people will receive something special made just for you!

1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I make you.

2. What I create will be just for you, with love.

3. It will be finished and given to you this year (2009).

4. I won't tell you what it's going to be. It will be something tangible, that you can touch. It may be beautiful or strange, but made with lots of love.

5. In return, just post this text on your blog and make 5 things for the first 5 people who respond.

6. Send me your mailing address after I contact you.

Come on, don't be shy. Even if you think you're not the creative type, you might end up surprising yourself- and making 5 other people very happy, too!

The first 5 people to leave a response agreeing to play and posting the challenge on their blogs will receive something special made by me within the year!